Alright? Where you been?

Hello there, it's been a while. As I write this, I begin to imagine anybody reading it will either have forgotten who I am or will have never met me in the first place (such is my imposter syndrome), but I'm sure there is somebody out there who will read this and think, oh yeah, I remember you and that's the reason for this post, really. As a creative, I have had to take a break, a step back from it all, and now I need to step out of my comfort zone, reconnect, and remind people I exist. I'm jogging your memory of my existence (or introducing myself for the first time), and it feels uncomfortable and icky, but here I am doing it still.

So, where have I been? Well, my fanbase of around three people may (or may not) have noticed that I haven't been around or that I've been posting very little on my socials and attending poetry events even less. I am currently caring for a family member who is sick, really sick, like terminally sick, and it's tricky, heavy, beautiful, messy, hard, and a privilege all rolled into one. For the last nine months, I've attended numerous appointments almost weekly, visited, shopped, etc, etc, and it really has been an honour. That's not to say it hasn't been physically and emotionally demanding alongside the usual responsibilities that come with being a mum, and trying to manage self-employment, a household, and my own challenges as a disabled woman.

Naturally, as part of this journey, I've had to put down anything work-wise that wasn't essential. It has meant I've had to turn down any unpaid work, attending open mics, and keeping up my content on social media, as well as not agreeing to any work that was too much of a commitment. I've paused funding applications and writing submissions too, and the list has grown longer and longer in recent weeks. It has been really hard at times not to pursue my love of creative writing, especially after dipping my toe into playwriting last year, but sometimes we have to take a moment to take stock of what's happening and prioritise.

Another thing I want to tell you is that just before all this kicked off, I started the first year of my two-year part-time study course in church leadership, and while I fully expected, once events unfolded, that I would likely have to defer, so far I have managed to continue. As I complete year one and find myself in the summer months, I take stock again. As a family, we face real emotional heaviness in the not-too-distant future and all that comes with that, as well as the physical demands which are often met by my own disability. With this in mind, I know that now is not the time to commit to rebuilding my creative career or to "get back out there" on the circuit fully.

So what is this all about? Well, it's just me, saying hi, touching base, letting anyone who wants to know why I'm not around, and saying I hope to see you soon. I'll be in and out. You'll see me working alongside/collaborating with some of my longer-term clients and fellow artists and at the odd poetry gig. You might even see some online content from time to time. Hey, who knows, maybe I'll suddenly start finding time to write and will release a second collection before the year is out, but for now, I'm embracing this period of prioritising and accepting what is essential and what can wait. It's not easy, it's messy, sometimes I get it wrong, but I'm doing my best to be gentle with myself and those around me. I hope you can be gentle to yourself too in tough times. After all, Jesus never said it would be easy... "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33.

Peace and Love,

Laura x